Mary Birdsong


It's a Macbook Air.

I don’t wanna say it’s cold in my apartment, but I just tried to lick my laptop and now my tongue is stuck to it. (And never you mind WHY I was lickin’ my laptop.  I had my reasons.) QUESTION: Is it bad if you pee and snow comes out? What if it’s black snow? As for the drafty old windows in my NYC third-floor walk-up… nothing a little DIY insulation can’t fix. 

Ya won't see THIS nifty do-it-yourself tip on TLC!Ya won’t see THIS nifty do-it-yourself tip on TLC!

See?  Easy freezy. Just take whatever old bed lines, towels, bath-mats, ugly throw pillows, and plastic shopping bags you can gather, and stuff ’em all in there nice ‘n’ snug.  Any queen-size set of sheets that are less than a 1200 thread-count ‘ll do.  (I mean… talk about ice sheets!)

Huh!?  ICE SHEETS?  See what I did there?

But listen, seriously, whatever you do while braving arctic gales and running from gargantuan ice sheets, don’t let this polar vortex give you a polar complex.  Do not show the cold that you are cold!  Do you hear??? For God’s sake, people! If you do?  It only gives it more icy strength.

And always remember that I love you very much.  I love all of you exactly the same.

1 Comment

  • Comment by John Stigall — January 7, 2014 @ 4:47 pm

    Ha ha Mary.Love you back.

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