Mary Birdsong


Anyone else notice that the penny got a whole new look in 2011? I sure didn’t.  Til yesterday. Once I realized how different this little copper-colored coquette looked, I felt horrible for not noticing. Maybe it’s because I’m a woman, or maybe it’s because of my latent Catholic tendencies, but I actually felt GUILTY that I didn’t notice Penny’s new look all year.

Does this new design make my backside look fat?

It’s as if Penny finally got fed up with being ignored and rejected in favor of larger denominations, and came home w/a new hairdo.  She stood there waiting patiently for me to say something about it.  And finally, forced to fish for compliments, she said in PMS-laden tones:

PENNY: “Notice anything different?”

ME: “Huh?  Oh.  Uh, I dunno.  Did you, uh… do somethin’ different w/your hair?

PENNY:  “UNBELIEVABLE!! You barely notice ANYthing anymore!  I don’t know why I even bother!  I honestly don’t!  You’re always off chasing those nickel & dime whores, while I sit in the bottom of that dark, filthy, kleenex-filled purse just hoping to see the light of day.  I remember a time when you used to dig underneath sofa cushions just to hold me in your hands!

ME: “Well, lil Penny, in the words of Dorothy, ‘Don’t cry. You’ll RUST if u cry!’ Your new look is just adorable.  Seriously.  And with the economy in as bad a shape as it is, I have a feeling you’re gonna start turning heads (and tails) again real soon, if not in the U.S., at least in Greece.

And be comforted, dear Penny, by this thought– when the world seems to have forgotten you even exist?  Good old Honest Abe Lincoln will always be proud to go everywhere you go, cheek to copper cheek.

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