Mary Birdsong


Sometime HoneyBear, he feel like it dont make no never-mind HOW sweet he be- evvvvvverybody else still havin all de fun!  He don’t git tuh go tuh no make-out parties. Don’t nobody evuh send old HoneyBear no invitational card tuh no make-out party.  No suh, none ‘t all.

HoneyBear, he ain’t greedy neither.  He say he settle fuh just a big ole bear hug.  Das all he need. Das all he want.  Jis a hug.  Even dat would fill him up right nice.



But HoneyBear, he too a-sceered tuh ax nobody fuh no big ole bear hug.  HoneyBear, he say he jis toooooo shy. He sho don’t wanna ask no salt & peppuh people fo a hug.  So he keep on jis standin’ there a-watching the salt & peppuh people a-huggin’ and a-kissin’ each other.  He even watch dem huggin’ and a-kissin’ dat chubby little Russian lady wit duh big eyes.  And duh salt & peppuh people? Aftuh a while dey starts tuh lookin’ at HoneyBear like he crazy.  



Den one day Mr. Peppuh & Miss Salty is havin deyselves a nice lawwwng make-out party, but dey kin feeeeel a big ole pair a’ HoneyBear eyes a-spyin’ on him.   Is downright creepy!

And Mr. Peppuh, he say:

“Hold on, Miss Sarah.  I say…. I say, hold on!  Damn, woman you sho does taste good.  Real good.  But I gots tuh stop makin’ out wit you fo one dad-blamed second.  Dis ain’t no salt ‘n’ peppuh peep show!  Damn.  Ain’t a man got a right to kiss his own damn woman witout some big ole HoneyBear peekin’ at him?”

And ohhhhhh, he git so mad that his face starts a-gittin all blowed up & hot as a fire-crackuh!  Yessuh! Hot.  As.  A fire-crackuh!  Hah HAH!!! Why Mr. Peppuh he so mad he look like a Red Hot Chili Pepper!  Sho nuff.  Finally he so fed up wit HoneyBear spyin’ on him dat he toin around tuh face ole HoneyBear and he say (right loud, too, so’s folks alllll over de kitchen table can hear):

Fool! HoneyBear, whatchoo lookin’ at??!!

“Fool! Whatchoo lookin at?! Dontchoo got shit to do, HoneyBear?”

Den Miss Salty, she chime in too.  And she say:

“Yeah, fool!  Go find yosef a donut or sumpin tuh squeeze yosef into. Ha ha ha!”

And the salt and peppuh people day laaaaaaaugh!  Dey laugh so dang hard and so dang long dat dey starts tuh shaken’ and a-shakin’ til dey done shook salt and peppuh awwwwwwlllll ovuh duh kitchen table. HoneyBear, he hear dem folks laugh and he git so saaaaaaad. So he cry. He cry and cry. But even his tears be all messed up. And he say:

“Lawwwwd-in-Israel, Jesus-hep-duh-wicked!  Even mah dad-blame tears ain’t right.  No suh, dey jis aint right. Dey too sweet.”

He cry so much dat his teardrops raaaaain awwwwl ovuh de salt & pepper peoples.  And his tears taste sooooo sweet dat de salt & peppuh people feel reeeeeeal bad.  So Mr. Pepper he toin tuh Miss Salty & he say:

“Miss Sarah?  (dat huh name- Sarah), Miss Sarah, what’s wrong wit dese ole HoneyBear tears?”

And Miss Sarah, she say:

“I’ll tell you what dese ole HoneyBear tears is missin’… Me!”  

So Miss Salty Sarah she rollllllll aroun in awwwwwlllll dem HoneyBear tears til dey taste good n sawwwwlty.  Sweet, but sweet ‘n’ sawwwwlty.

Den de salt & peppuh people, dey give ole HoneyBear de biggest dad-blame bear hug you ever DID see.  And dey all walk off jis as salty-sweet as you please.

Das duh troof.  Sho nuff.


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