Mary Birdsong


I’ve been trying to dress up more lately, so I had my fancy new high heels on while walking up the path to my front door. The world seemed full of promise. Then I heard a sound that can only be described as a squirunch– a combination crunch/squish. I’d just murdered a snail.  I hate snails.  Ewwwwwwwwwwwww.

It’s not like it had DONE anything to me to deserve it.  It was just minding it’s own snail-y business, slithering along being as gross as it could be.

You've... you've killed her! (Awesome "cartoon Mary" by Norn Cutson, but I added the snail & the sword)

And I’d flattened it– cracked shell, gooey snail guts on concrete. I comforted myself by wondering if it could be more than simply… gross. Maybe it was good luck!  What is the meaning in this omen? Where is a reputable, fully vetted shaman when you need one???? I felt a little like I imagine Dorothy Gale must’ve felt right after she accidentally melted the wicked witch.

I didn’t MEAN to do it. It just happened.  I felt bad… but also powerful.  Anyway, everyone knows wicked witches are ugly.  And so are snails.

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