I have watched in dismay (Nay! In disgust!) allllll week as the little ones have been gadding about town dressed up as goblins and ghouls and ghosts. (Ha! If ONLY! Kids don’t dress as scary things anymore. And adults CERTAINLY don’t. Good luck finding a single costume out there this year that doesn’t have a ™ displayed somewhere along the zipper or a ® discreetly placed on the tag inside the collar). Do the people who buy these innocuous garments really think the souls of the undead are gonna be scared off by some Disney princess or Transformer that was stitched together by young women in Bangladesh who’ve never even HEARD of the Great Pumpkin????
But that’s not even my main gripe this Halloween. The commercialization of costumes is something I can easily tolerate. But this behavior in recent years of kids trick or treating whenever they (or their parents) damn-well feel like it (sometimes even in BROAD DAYLIGHT!) as opposed to after dark on October 31st is just…. well it’s just UNACCEPTABLE is what it is. Just plain… (Please read the following as if uttered by Daffy Duck. Or Wallace Shawn.)
UN. ACK. THEPPTIBLE!
Further, I must go on record as saying that I strongly disapprove of how the children are celebrating All Hallows Eve (Halloween) in GENERAL these days. Used to be you’d piece together a costume at the last minute out of a bunch of crap your mom had stored in big boxes in a closet. If you were LUCKY your mom might toss an old pillow case your way to use for trick-or-treating, which you didn’t start doing until…
I can’t say that I even blame the children, really. It’s not their fault. They’re not the REAL culprits here. It’s the parents who are to blame. And it’s no surprise that in the age of palm pilots and blackberries and iCalendars, the parents have decided to fit the undead into THEIR busy schedules.
Well let me remind us all that this holiday is about the undead. And the undead decide when to come and haunt us. We do not decide FOR them. We have very little say in it. At all. So parents, please…. let your kids go trick or treating by themselves if they’re old enough to do so. And let them go ONLY on October 31st. In the dark.