Mary Birdsong

July14th

“The odds of Elvis Presley crash-landing a UFO into the head of the Loch Ness monster are 14 million to one, according to a British betting agency.”*

Oh, really, British betting agency? You think so?
Well, whaddya have to say about it now that you’ve seen THIS!?!
HA! IRREFUTABLE PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE of the very thing you said was so HIIIIIIIGHly unlikely. Buh-Bam! Snapped it with Nessie-matic Presley-cam I happened to have on me that day. Good thing I’d just loaded it with film made out of tin foil that the little grey guys showed me how to make.

Oh, wait… I forgot. That’s IMPOSSIBLE, right? That couldn’t have happened because those little grey guys don’t exist, right? And there’s no such thing as tin foil film, right? Yeah, okay. Whatevs, British betting agency. Tell that to Polaroid. (The little grey guys say “whatevs” like, allll the time, by the way.)

I’m still waiting for you betting agency “authorities” to refute the amazing evidence I managed to capture on my Nessie-cam.
Why so silent? Why no witty UK scientific comebacks? What’s the matter, British betting agency? Did you burn your Debbie Downer tongues on all of that fancy-pants British tea you all love to drink so much?! So you can’t talk anymore?

* as quoted in Rob Brezsny’s book “Pronoia Is the Antidote for Paranoia”

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