Mary Birdsong

April27th

(Now in biodegradable!)

Mary Birdsong wearing an apple watch on the red carpet at Entertainment Weekly Oscars party.

Mary Birdsong describes her red-carpet look as “nouveau DIY w/a retro twist.” And that includes her watch.

If I’m going to spend thousands of dollars on an Apple watch, I better be able to EAT the damned thing if I’m in a plane crash in the arctic or something.  Otherwise?  You, my friend, are lookin’ miiiiighty tasty…. 

I think it’s fair to say that this “amazing advance” in timekeeping falls under one of my favorite categories: “Why People Hate America.”

But just to show that I can be nice sometimes (even to rich people who buy totally unnecessary gadgets) you can click on this LINK to get all kinds of super neat-o tips and learn secret tricks you can show off to your rich friends later, when the heathens are admiring your “Satanic sun-dial-on-a-strap.”

Seriously… $17,000 dollars?  THINK what else you could do with that money!  According to the International Business Times, it costs a little over $200 per person to give an Ebola test in West Africa.  Maybe one watch could wipe out the disease in a small village? Or at least CONTAIN it!

I mean, why not just walk around with a small West African family wrapped around your wrist and ask THEM what time it is?  But be careful-  those Liberian models don’t have the greatest anti-virus software.

(Fucking ebola!  Ruined my new watch!)

$10K for a watch?! I ain't got time fuh DAT!

$10K for a $%$ watch?! I ain’t got time fuh DAT!

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