Mary Birdsong

May4th

Sirens Magazine recently gave space to the BOOB.  Three cheers, Sirens! Boobs recently made headlines by seeing if an Earthquake could be incited by their exposure.  Could a bunch of hot mamas expose their hot mammaries and start the Earth a-quivering?  Sirens asked women to weigh in on this bit of political “bodacious ta-tas” activism (Is it political?  Feminist?  Slutty and cheap?)  I say it’s slutty and cheap and I’m all for it!  Women reclaiming the booby (referred to from here on out as the “B word”) is something akin to African-Americans reclaiming the “N word”, or Brits calling each other the “C word.”

Michael Jackson made a career out of grabbing his “P word” in time to the music, and probably used the “N word” on occasion too when it pleased him, yet his sister Janet was practically burned at the stake for ACCIDENTALLY showing a little of her “B word” on national TV.  And to my mind, a NAKED “B word” is way less sexualized or pornographic than a SCANTILY CLAD “B word.”  Yet somehow in the backward judgement of American TV’s standards and practices officials, a scantily clad, silicon-injected, D-cup “B word” (selling everything from deodorant to computer software) is somehow “decent” for prime-time audiences, whereas a naked “B word” is not for the eyes of our children.  The difference between a decent and indecent boob? THE NIPPLE– the very thing that defines it.  “J’accuse, le Nipple!  J’accuse!”  Well… the censors DO have a point.  The nipple is a source of nourishment and life-giving milk.  WHAT FILTH! WHAT EVIL SPOUTS OF DEBAUCHERY AND HEDONISM THESE NIPPLES BE!  DISPENSING THEIR SATAN-JUICE TO THE POOR UNSUSPECTING INNOCENT BABES!  I’d rather see many more naked boobs shown by passionate, humorous women pointing out (literally) religious hypocrisy and misogyny than a lot of scantly clad boobs on tv and in print ads written primarily by… men.  So ladies?  Bring on that boob-quake!  I know it’s a power we don’t like to abuse, and one we’ve long tried to keep hush-hush, lest the men-folk get jealous that they can’t start a tornado with their wankers: “Auntie Em!  Auntie Em!  It’s a schlong-nado!”

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