Mary Birdsong
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  • August30th

    Buddha takes up the #icebucketchallenge after Mary Birdsong calls him OUT!  

    (If you don’t wanna do the ice bucket thing, you can donate instead, to the ALSA.org website, to help fight Lou Gerhig’s Disease.)

  • August13th

    Feeling down?

    Hopeless?

    Like nothing’ll ever change?

    I feel such despair over my despair that I am in despair about it.

    Ohhhh, despair, thou art a cunning C-word! (Pssst! hey, if you like the creepy drawing above, you might also like the blog where I post my drawings of what I dream each night.) birdsongdreambook.com

     

     

    Sure, we ALL DO!  But in light of some very recent (and very tragic) headlines, can you blame us?

    Hayyyls no!

    Nevertheless… being in despair is no fun. So if you’re in despair over the fact that you’re in despair, don’t despair! I think I’ve come up with something that COULD give us hope…

     

     

     

         

         

    T    H    E          H    A    S    H    T    A    G  !

    Helloooooo there, HASHsome.

    Think of it- the humble hashtag is the poster child for the phrase “Don’t quit before the miracle.”  Did this little tic-tac-toe wallflower even exist before 2006, when Twitter was invented?  Yyyyyyeahhhh… I guess so.  But she sat out almost every dance of all the cool, popular, tip-tap-typing fingers.  Fingers who barely noticed her sitting on her numeral 3 key, fourth from the left. 

    “Oh, yeah!  Hey, look- there she is!  (What’s her name again?  ‘Pound Sign?’  Yeesh!   Who names their kid ‘Pound Sign??!’  Hippy parents I guess.

    You know- she’s no ‘Forward Slash,’ I’ll grant you that, but she wouldn’t look half-bad if she’d maybe just… put on a little make-up? Some bronzer?

    So there she sat… poor little Pound Sign- in her out-of-date dress in the top row of keys, (well, unless you count the “function” keys, which … I mean who does these days? No one in respectable circles, I can tell you THAT! )

    Pre-2006, if we interacted with her at ALL it was (at best) using her for the occasional customer service voicemail system request. She’d stop by at the end and sort of seal the deal.

    But the  post-2006?  Hubba hubba!  Everyone’s clamoring for her attention.  And yet- she didn’t suddenly go blonde, or join a gym, or get fake boobs.  I think she just stopped caring if she was cool or not.

    And lo and behold… though she couldn’t get arrested before,  NOW look at her!

    Hashtag Hannah  (f/k/a "Patty Poundsign")

    Hashtag Hannah
    (f/k/a “Patty Poundsign”)

     

    Hold onto that thought tonight, dear reader. If your self-esteem is in the toilet and you’re feeling a little too invisible for your tastes?  Hang on.  Anything can happen.  Just like that.  Without you lifting a finger.

    This blog post started out as a tweet.  With a hashtag. If you liked this post, please go to the tweet (see link, below) and REEEEEEEEE-tweet it.  Or just post somewhere that you liked this blog, and subscribe, and….

    Or it’s fine if you do nothing at all.  #Really.  Just get some sleep.

    –Mary

    Twitter / marybirdsong: Feeling down? Hopeless? Like ….

  • August10th

    Okay, let’s get this over with.  I need this awful joke/pun out of my system, for which I will probably be doomed to eternal hellfire.

    “What do you get when the US military airlifts tons of Jamaican weed to the Yazidi people in the mountains of Iraq?”

    BAKED YAZIDI!

    (I’m sorry.  I’m just…  I’m just so sorry.)

    NOW….

    What a gorgeous photo of Yazidis. (Taken by Rob Leutheuser)

    And what a gorgeous photo of baked ziti!  (This one NOT taken by Rob Leutheuser)

    I do not envy the plight of the Yazidis. Persecuted by the “IS” (aka ISIS) in Iraq, they’re being forced to (literally) “run for the hills,” facing starvation & death. There is much confusion surrounding this people that no one (myself included) ever heard of until a couple of days ago. Many people of competing faiths in the region believe the Yazidi religion is “devil worship.” To add to the confusion, it incorporates many elements from both Christianity and Islam. Wikipedia says it’s linked to Zoroastrianism (although these days, even Wikipedia can’t be counted on for things of the true-ish nature.  And I admit I get a juvenile rush of delight when they are taken to task on some falsehood.

    When Wiki wrong? I be all like, “Ooooh, snap! You so stupid, Wiki!” And then Wiki, he be all like “Awwww, nahh!!  Oops! My bad!”

    My hero: Rachel “Dee Dee” Jeantel. I summon her spirit whenever I have to bring a snooty white dude down a notch or two. Okrrr, SIR?

    Thankfully, what started out as an obsessive need to scratch that “pun itch”  led me to actually learn a few things, most of which was gleaned from a fascinating BBC.com article on the mysterious religion.

    Okrrrrr?     POP QUIZ!

    True or Cray?

    1) The Yazidis are devil worshippers!

    2) The Yazidi religion is linked to Zoroastrianism

    3) They pray to a peacock five times a day…

    4) … Because they worship the NBC television network

    5)  Alison Moyet (lead singer of 80′s super-group “Yaz”) recorded their first album in a Kurdish cave with several high ranking Yazidi clerics on woodblock, large rusted pot, & harp.

    To learn the correct answers, you’ll have to click HERE,  (a genuinely fascinating BBC.com article by Diana Darke).

    I wanted to do that cool, fun thing they used to do in Highlights Magazine:
    where they print the T/F answers upside down at the bottom of the page, but my typing is for SHIT when I’m standing on my head.
  • August5th

    Patients’ Symptoms Raise Concern About Ebola in New York – NYTimes.com.

    America- We're super chill.

    America- We’re super chill. Unless you’re Mexican…ish.

    Why is America so super chill about people being brought onto US soil from Ebola-riddled areas in Africa (who could possibly spread the deadly virus here), yet is all freaky-pants cray-cray when we’re asked to give refuge to a bunch of little Latin American kids fleeing crack dealers (who stalk them in the school system and will rape them if they don’t sell drugs)?

    I don’t get it.  But maybe that’s why myyyyyy face isn’t the one gracing Lady Liberty’s smoking’ hot bod in New York Harbor.

    Of course- I think we SHOULD grant entry in both cases, but it just strikes me as funny how, as a country, American histrionics aren’t consistent when it comes to our borders and who we let cross them.  It’s just the Mexican* thing that gets our citizens (literally) up in arms.

    I think it’s because illegal crossing of the Mexican border is so easy to understand.  It’s easy to visualize school bus after school bus vomiting out streams of little illegal immigrant invaders– diaper-clad drug lords sucking on their juice boxes and waving their M-16s.  But it’s much more difficult to imagine some virus running around taking our jobs.

    * The latest hot-button “border bunch” isn’t technically from Mexico, of course. They’re from other countries that are kinda LIKE Mexico.  They’reMexic-ish: Honduras, Guatemala… places like that that. But, we’re American, and we don’t really care.   So let’s just call them Mexican.

  • August2nd

    IMG_0071

    IS IT POSSIBLE TO REPURPOSE A PERSON?  (Why, yes.  Yes, it is.) My sister reminded me of some great feng shui tips she (no, no- you just said it wrong. You said it like “fehng shoo-y.” It’s pronounced “fung shway.”)  Anyway- she reminded me of some great feng shui tips she learned from an audio-book I gave her of The Secret® years ago.  We both agreed that The Secret® is total bullshit®. Then we discussed with great fervor how I should do exactly what The Secret® says I should do.  It told the story of a woman who wanted to attract a man into her life, but was having no luck at all.  Then she realized that she had some very “I’m single and I always will be” habits that she needed to get rid of, like…

    • Sleeping in the middle of her queen-sized bed, instead of leaving room on one side for her man to sleep next to her

    • Keeping her closet so packed with clothes there was no room for her man’s clothes

    • Parking in the middle of the garage, thus taking up two spaces, leaving no room for…. you guessed it- her man’s car

    You get the idea.  At the time, my sister and I happened to be talking about doing this to help a creative project of mine get to the next level, but then later while I was cleaning, I decided to go ahead and apply it to my bedroom. The “after” photo is above.  I should’ve taken a “before” shot as well because it was pretty bad. The bed was shoved into the corner, there were wayyyyyy too many pillows on the bed, the list goes on and on.  But the worst part?  When I was smoothing the bedcovers I noticed that they were covered in dust.

    THE RIGHT-HAND SIDE OF THE BED HADN’T BEEN SLEPT IN

    FOR SO LONG… THAT I ACTUALLY HAD TO DUST IT.

    I HAD TO

    DUST.

    IT.

    So sad.

    But my favorite part about the new bedroom’s makeover is the dolls.   (Let me finish!!!) My mom sews these dolls for people that are supposed to look like them, and then she gives the dolls to them as gifts.

    I know.  It’s just…

    Anyway, I still have this doll she made of an ex-boyfriend of mine.   I tried to get rid of it, trust me.  I even donated it to a thrift shop , but then I felt guilty because my mom had MADE him, so I went back to the store and bought him.  But here’s the thing- I figured if I could just repurpose him, maybe it wouldn’t be bad feng shui to keep this doll of an ex in my bedroom on the guy’s side of the bed.  Ya know?  So- I took off his glasses, and I replaced the little electric guitar used to be holding with something else.  I replaced it with a condom.  Voila!  He’s a condom dispenser!

    May I offer you a breath mint?  Jesus candle?  How about a condom?

    Hello, big boy.  May I offer you a breath mint? Jesus candle? How about a condom?

    Not only is it safe sex, and helpful for whoever I wind up sleeping with to have a condom ready to go, but the fact that it’s being “handed” to my new lover by my OLD lover is like a fun practical joke on the ex.  Right?  Maybe? Not sure.  He was the one who dumped ME.  I can’t do the karma calculus.

    If I knew how, I’d rig the doll electronically so it could do cool stuff.  Like– as soon as I turn off the light, it could automatically light the Jesus candle, eject the condom from some sort of spring-loaded mechanism in it’s hand, and play a song:

    “He’s got the wholllllle wer-erld in his hand, he’s got the whollllle wer-erld in his hand, he’s got the whollllle wer-erld…”

    Oh, also? The doll was Jewish, because the ex-boyfriend is Jewish.  So I hope he enjoys hugging that big ol’ Jesus candle.  Ha ha.

    Jew.

     

     

     

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