Mary Birdsong
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  • April20th

    mon 4/21 :30pm on the -

    it’s  .

    & me.

    gettin hitched.



    be there.


    I’m thrilled that this episode will be on for so many reasons.  But mostly because…What?  The HALLLLLMARK CHANNEL?  ME??  IIIIIIII’M GONNA BE ON THE friggin’ HALLMARK CHANNEL?!? I’m amazed, given my sordid past, that The Hallmark Channel has finally removed that restraining order they had in place.

    The Hallmark Channel’s the last place I thought I’d be. But at least now I can tell my folks I’m finally getting married… on THE MIDDLE.

    Oh, and in case anyone is wondering, I totally have a secret crush on my husband to be, Norm MacDonald.  Sadly, we got divorced already this season in the Thanksgiving episode.

  • April19th

    In 99 Cent Whore’s beloved Easter special, you’ll learn the origin of many Easter and Passover traditions. And keep watching, because you don’t want to miss her special Easter song she sings to Jesus (it starts at minute 1:29). One of the most beloved easter songs on youtube- you’ll be sure to make it a family tradition!

    You can even sing along- the lyrics are below…

    HAPPY EASTER JESUS (or “Pasqua Felice, Jesus”)

    Jesus is risen (he is risen) so our prices are staying low (just 99 cents).
    Jesus is risen (Christ is risen!) so all our Easter stuff has to go.
    All our sins are forgiven (like murder & stealing) so jellybeans are just 59 cents. Because Christ is risen, (Christ is risen!) get your Easter grass cheap and smoke it while you repent.
    Chocolate covered marshmallow bunnies have never been crucified and left to die. But they taste awful good (Mmm!) I wish that I could give some to Jesus when he was crucified and left to die on that old cross of wood. It would have done him some good. So Happy Easter to you Jesus. You deserve a basket filled with Easter grasses and Peeps®, Marshmallow Peeps®. We all say “Muchos Gracias!” (Muchos Gracias!) for getting up on that cross. You’re the bomb! You’re the boss! Pasqua Felice. Pasqua Felice. And Peeps®.

    Jesus Saves! (U Lots of $ This Easter)

    Jesus Saves! (U Lots of $ This Easter)











    easter songs youtube

  • March4th

    Watch: 4 Bloody Teasers For Steven Soderbergh’s Cinemax Series ‘The Knick’ Starring Clive Owen | The Playlist.

  • February25th

    AZ fast food workerIn AZ, Christian Business Owners Publish 1st Ever “Right To Refuse Service” Employee Training Manual!

    Dear Arizona- What I want to know is how the hell you’re gonna determine who is gay and who isn’t.  What’s the litmus test?  Will you ask your (potential) customers what their sexual preference is before handing them that turkey club?

    would u like those fries sodomized?  AZ Christian business owners against gays

    U want those fries sodomized? AZ Christian business owners struggle with the abomination known as tolerance

    When the haters  of the 50s & 60s  discriminated against African-Americans, at least they could be almost certain that they were discriminating against the correct “target” of their hatred. But in this case?  

    Anyway, my hat is off to you business-owners if you are fully-prepared to make your customers prove their homosexuality before serving them.  I doubt you’ll actually follow through with it, but here’s how I like to imagine this shit going down (pun intended):

    Male Customer W/Good Abs:    Yeah, hey.  I’ll have the chef salad and a large bottled water, please.

    AZ Clerk:     (thought bubble) Hmmm… he has good abs.  And all his teeth.  And clean hair.  And that’s a pretty sharp outfit.  ah HA! Cock-sucker!

    AZ Clerk: (spoken) Sir, I’m afraid it is against my faith to serve you this chef salad on account of your obvious homosexuality, which is an abomination.  

    Male Customer w/Good Abs:  Um… I’m not… gay.

    AZ Clerk: Ha ha ha (not gay).  NOT GAY??? Like hell you’re n– Hey everybody!  This fruit here says he’s not gay!  Well, sir… to that I say “Prove it!”  

    Male Customer w/Good Abs: That’s ridiculous.  Look, can I just get my salad?

    AZ Clerk: Suck my cock!  

    Male Customer w/Good Abs: Wh–at?

    AZ Clerk: You heard me!  I said suck my cock!  Don’t act like that’s not what you want.  Or maybe you’re what I heard tell they call a “top.”  Is THAT it?  Well, if you want that super-faggy chef salad so bad then you’ll have to go through my butt-hole to git it!  If you enjoy having gay sex with me, then I am not gonna serve you- not now and not never again. But if you HATE having gay sex with me in front of all these good Christian folks in line here, then I will serve you that super faggy commie chef salad annnnnd throw in a slice of hot apple pie!  

    (Drops his jeans to his ankles, bends over)

    AZ Clerk: Go on, now!  Do it!  (BEAT. ) That hot apple pie in my butt hole is gittin cold now!  (LONG BEAT.  A child cries.)  Sir?  Sir?


    Click the big blue link below to read some really INTELLIGENT, RATIONAL writing on the Southern Poverty Law Center website.

    Arizona’s right-to-refuse-service agenda is as wrong as Jim Crow | Southern Poverty Law Center.

    LAST BUT NOT LEAST:  You MUST watch this short interview by CNN’s Miguel Marquez (incidentally, he’s dreamy, but that’s not the point) that was on super-awesome Erin Burnett’s “Out Front” last night.  He asks this AZ business owner who runs a Christian business networking website if she’d permit gays after she says it’s basically a non-issue to her.  Wait til you see what happened.  It’s perfect.

  • February23rd

    Clive Owen in The Knick

    Clive Owen as a sharp-dressed surgeon-man in Cinemax’s forthcoming 10-episode series, THE KNICK.

    Clive Owen (left) as a sharp-dressed surgeon-man in Cinemax’s forthcoming 10-episode series, THE KNICK.  I, too, get to be in this deliciousness.  (And no- not as a cadaver.  Clive does NOT perform an appendectomy on me. I get to talk and everything). What’s that, you say?  You thought Soderbergh retired?  Au contraire, dear reader.  According to Entertainment Weekly, Steven Soderbergh’s “retirement” home is turning out to be cable television.

    The Behind the Candelabra director is working with Cinemax on The Knick, a period medical drama set in 1900 New York City. Clive Owen, who has his own cable bona fides from starring in HBO’s Hemingway & Gellhorn, plays a surgeon at Knickerbocker Hospital in the gruesome days before antibiotics and modern medicine. (Check out the awesome set photos from Manhattan’s Lower East Side.) Think of it as Gangs of New York meets ER — though I suspect Owen’s doc might have a slightly lower rescue-rate than Doug Ross.

    Soderbergh is directing the 10-episode series, which will debut on Cinemax this summer. Click below to see the exclusive first teaser, which seems to depict the doctors as butchers… serial killers even. Which… perhaps they sort of were.

    Mary Birdsong, in her trailer on the set of THE KNICK.

    Mid-costume change in my trailer, for THE KNICK.







    Clive Owen stars in Steve Soderberghs TV show, The Knick: First Look | Inside TV |

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